i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
