Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
