i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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