mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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