im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
