i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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