he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
