don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
