I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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