plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
