Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
