community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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