so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is it because I queefed?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
