So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
