You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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