So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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