I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
