Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
