I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think your dad took our porno
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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