I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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