Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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