I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
