i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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