You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
