five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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