my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize