Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
