It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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