Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
