Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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