Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
