I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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