You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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