just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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