my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hippo gnu deer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Two words: blizzard sex
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dick very happy bro
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
