You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
