dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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