Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
