I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
