We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
