Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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