Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
