Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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