Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
