today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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