I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
jump out the window naked night went bad
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
