Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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