Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
