So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
