Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
