Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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