Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
