I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
