well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
