I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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