Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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