we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
where are my eyebrows?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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