im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
