My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
