yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
