Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize