My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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