I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
