I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
two words...techno handjob
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
