I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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