so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
