grandma shit on top of the toilet
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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