Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
