I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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