I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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