grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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