so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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