i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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