i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
