Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
